Dealing with Schools

This article by David Farmer was published in the February 1999 issue of Gifted. It can be freely copied for non-commercial purposes provided its integrity is preserved and its web-address, its author, and its publication in Gifted by the NSW Association for Gifted & Talented Children is acknowledged.

Choosing a School | Dealing with a Problem at School

Choosing a School

In her 1992 article "Choosing a School", Diana Whitton started with "School selection is one of the hardest choices a parent has to make" (Whitton, 1992).

It hasn't become any easier. With the greater ability to choose the right school that has followed the relaxation of "zoning" a decade ago, it is an even more important responsibility. Parents need to find the right environment for their child to learn and to love learning, and schools and teachers need to respond to this search. For children who are different, and this includes most gifted children, finding the right environment is critical.

The first half of this article provides some ideas for parents to consider when choosing a school. It may also allow educators better to understand and prepare for parents who are seeking to acquit their responsibilities.

Start with your child and yourself

There are a large number of good schools. But not all of these will be good for your child. Use your knowledge of your child to consider the key characteristics of an ideal learning environment for him or her. Is he a noisy, gregarious, easily distracted learner that needs a structured and disciplined environment? Or is she a reflective, sensitive child that needs time to be by herself and would be better suited to a small school environment rather than regimented in a large one? Is he a boy that might suffer in the "macho" ethos of some boys-only schools? Is she a child that needs many opportunities for divergent and creative expression?

Start a list of these, and come back to them often, to ensure you are not swayed by the marketing hype that schools are starting to use.

Consider your own views as well. You may have strong religious or philosophical views that will influence what you would look for in an educational setting for your child. Private schools, both the larger traditional and smaller community ones, offer a wide range of school philosophies and practices. State schools have also diversified significantly over the past decade, though their philosophies may be more dependent on a principal than an ongoing school ethos.

You also need to bear in mind that your views may be in conflict with the needs of your child. Your "old school" or one that you have learnt to respect may not possess the characteristics you identified above as key to your child's learning.

Then check out the possible schools

The number of schools on your "possible" list will vary depending on whether you live in the country or in a city, and on how hard you feel it will be to find an acceptable (or an ideal) school. If you have many schools on the list, start by ringing them and asking for their prospectus or brochure.

Don't necessarily rule out a school because of one adverse comment from a friend or a friend's friend - their child may have very different needs. Also don't immediately rule out a school if a long waiting list emerges. Obviously this may be a barrier (larger the later you start looking), but scholarships and special needs have overcome such hurdles - and you might value the fact that clearly other parents consider it a good school. Moreover, what you learn about that school may also help you consider others more effectively.

Once you have reduced the list to a manageable number of schools, go and view them. Reading brochures or prospectuses is useful, particularly to identify aspects to explore further, but an on-the-spot intuitive assessment is imperative. There are aspects about your child and your preferences that you may not be able to articulate even if you wanted to. There are aspects about the school that will never be ascribed to written words. It is your intuition, your informed but subjective judgement, that will measure the match between what the school offers and what your child needs.

If you can, take someone along with you. They may or may not be involved in the decision, but four eyes see more than two, and a second mind provides a later sounding board as thoughts percolate after the visit.

You need to gather a large amount of information, and walking in with a sheet of prepared questions, as I did many years ago, may not be everyone's style and may even be intimidating to the school staff. There is no need to apologise for asking direct questions - the education of a child is so important that it should make such questions the norm. Nonetheless there are other, less intrusive, ways of gathering information.

Gathering the information - the soft approach

Most schools have "open days" for potential enrolling families, some with activities for potential students at the same time. Education Week in August/September is often a time when schools place themselves on display. Observing how they present themselves to the public can be very useful.

What are they emphasising? In other words what are the higher priorities for the school? All schools have resource constraints. Even in terms of staff focus, only so many issues can be high priority issues at the same time. Do the areas of current focus and resource use suggest a learning environment conducive to your child? Is the emphasis on sports, or on music, or on literacy likely to be appropriate to him or her?

How united are the staff? Is the public presentation a team effort with a number of staff and students participating? This may indicate a school staff that is motivated to put in extra hours for the sake of the school. Or is it just a few of the senior staff speaking? Is the Principal new or soon to retire? Is there a change in tone evident?

Talk to a number of the existing parents about how they have found the school for their child. Let them talk freely and colour your reception of the comments by your judgement of the parent. Try to talk to a number of people.

Go to a Parents & Citizens or School Club meeting or their equivalent at the private schools. Are these bodies actively supported by parents? What is the tone of the parent community? How does the Principal relate to the parent bodies?

Walk through the administration office corridors and check out what is on display. Is this children's artwork or sports trophies or academic achievement awards or all of these? Ask for some old copies of the school newsletter to peruse.

Asking Questions

The soft approach can only take you so far, especially if you have limited time. The time for direct questions has arrived.

Some questions are easily asked to administration office staff - before and after school care, public transport arrangements, uniforms, what happens when a child is sick, how many children are there in the school and how many classes in each year…

You may even be able to obtain a copy of the school's gifted and talented student policy, if they have one, from the office, and find the name of the gifted and talented student coordinator. You should certainly be able to make an appointment to see the Principal, or in a large school, possibly the Deputy Principal.

This interview is important. You need to be comfortable with the Principal's approach to the issues that are important to you and your child's learning environment. But there are two further elements to this meeting. If this proves to be the school your child attends, then your relationship with the Principal is likely to be an important one over a number of years - you are building a foundation. And it is a two-way interview. The Principal is undoubtedly forming a judgement of you and your situation. With the significant discretion that Principals hold, particularly but not only in the private sector, this could make the difference between being accepted at the school or not, and care being taken so that your child is placed in the most appropriate class or not.

So the interview is important and common sense suggestions regarding meetings would apply. You might be able to reduce any sense of intimidation by being open about any apprehension you have about your child's move to a new educational setting. You also need to be careful in managing time in the interview. Many principals would have a standard spiel they would use for general inquiries. If you have particular issues and concerns to raise, it would be useful to indicate this to the Principal at the outset.

It would generally be positive to the meeting to find an issue early where the Principal can talk about the things they do that would address your concerns - such as handling first day nerves etc. Producing a note with prepared questions listed after such an opening would generally present a different impression than starting the interview by producing a list.

It is useful to know, but not always to use, the current educational jargon. Try to work with the words that the school uses as this reflects the school you are trying to discover. Ask for explanations when words aren't clear - the way the school defines words may be very revealing.

Depending on your child's needs, some of the following questions may be appropriate:

• How is communication between parents and teachers/the school handled? (I would be looking for an indication of whether parent/teacher interviews are frequent and open or infrequent and highly structured. I would also be interested in whether the Principal naturally volunteers his or her availability in the case of an issue. Open and flexible communication may help prevent problems and to resolve them more readily should they occur.)
• How are children placed in classes each year? (Possibilities here include streaming or ability grouping, looking for best fit between learning styles and teaching styles, keeping existing classes together, deliberately mixing existing classes up, keeping key and sometimes nominated friends together, alphabetical sorting, etc)
• My child is already a keen reader/good at math/etc, how will this affect his schooling? (If the school talks about ability grouping, flexible progression and the possibilities of acceleration, you can naturally express interest in learning more!)
• My child is interested in music/pottery/astronomy/drama/etc, does the school provide anything in these areas? (This could provide a good indication of support for extension classes, mentoring or of flexibly incorporating children's interests into normal classroom activities.)
• My child is a reflective learner/may have fine motor problems/seems to be easily distracted in a noisy environment/etc, what will the school do to respond to these needs? (I would be looking for a willingness to respond to individual needs but also a care to avoid simplistic labelling. This might include reference to the school counsellor, but I would be looking for evidence of a school-wide response to students' needs in class-rooms and out - this might include staff development days on different learning styles, the existence of an independent learning centre etc.)
• I notice you have/I understand there is a gifted and talented student policy, how does this work? (I would start my follow-up questions by trying to explore the view on equity in this policy - is it a policy that tries to do something for every student in the school, or does it start with a clear strategy to identify the gifted and talented students to whom it applies. If the latter how are these identified and how are these students then monitored over their time at the school? This would also be the easiest time to ask if the school had ever had any experience with acceleration - this might be done as an abstract question, unless of course you are seeking early enrolment!)

By the time you have asked this number of open-ended questions you will have a good idea whether asking others is worthwhile! Hopefully you will have many of your specific questions already answered. Most importantly you will have a good understanding of the Principal's approach to these issues. This will be one of the important components to your decision as to the best available fit for your child's educational needs.

If you are seeking particular treatment

This may come as part of an initial choice of schools. You may be already clear on some educational needs of your child that standard provisions in a school setting would not provide. How clearly and at what stage you raise this will depend on the particular circumstances, but I would suggest a soft start to the meeting approximating the lines above, while ensuring that enough time is left to discuss the particular treatment.

When you do raise the particular provisions you are seeking, I would recommend initially raising the problem and asking the Principal what he or she would suggest. This may raise new possibilities that you hadn't thought of as well as an indication of how forthcoming the Principal and school is likely to be. You can use your response and subsequent discussion to include any ideas you may have.

You can be confident of your legal position. The NSW Education Reform Act (1990) states:

(s5) It is the intention of Parliament that every person concerned in the administration of the Act or of education for children of school-age in New South Wales is to have regard (as far as is practicable or appropriate) to the following objects:

(a) assisting each child to achieve his or her educational potential

…

(j) provision of opportunities to children with special abilities

(k) provision of special educational assistance to children with disabilities

Nonetheless you would need to form your own assessment of the practical response the school can and will make to the particular needs.

If you are asking for some provision beyond the current range for the school, it would be normal for the Principal to be looking for evidence of your child's needs. If you have kept a record of your child's history (including critical milestones/events/copies of assessments and notes of meetings with other professionals) and can provide a copy, this will provide a useful starting point. The Principal may also wish to involve the school counsellor - this could well be standard school policy for special provisions and provides a second useful contact for the future. However, make sure the Principal gives this (and other confirming steps) the priority they need to ensure that they are completed in time for the provision to apply.

Some logistical issues

There are some obvious practical issues also. Finding the ideal educational environment a hundred kilometres away is a problem if we are talking about Kindergarten.

As well as the daily transport problem, you need to consider aspects such as whether the positive availability of numerous before and after-school special interest activities would play havoc with reliance on public transport. Interacting with school friends out of school time will also be much more difficult.

Parents have been known to move in order to support enrolment in the schools they thought best. This may well be necessary to make the school a workable proposition. Clearly practical issues need to be considered, such as effects on the family's discretionary income and on others travel times. A great school, but at the cost of a family torn apart by impossible pressures, is not a great outcome. Moreover, school policies and priorities can change dramatically over the years, particularly if the Principal changes.

Take your child to the school at some stage, even if this is to be their first school. It is important for them to become comfortable with and want to go to the school. Use your judgement as to whether this first experience would be more positive for your child in the middle of a busy school lunchtime or as a quiet visit after school is out. For many young children it might be better if they were not involved in any formal meeting with principals or other parts of the school hierarchy. It might also be wiser to wait until after your choice is largely made, as your child might fall in love with the playground equipment and not be impressed if you choose another school. The balance changes, of course, for older children who would be more involved in the decision-making process.

Dealing with problems at school

The first part of this article dealt with choosing a school. This second part makes some suggestions for the time when a problem emerges at the school you have chosen, and you need to deal with it. Teachers and principals are often on the other side of the same issue - they may appear to be the problem - but generally are simultaneously looking for a solution. How do you maximise the chances of cooperation while at the same time be an effective advocate for fair treatment for your child?

Interestingly the focus for this article is on the primary stage of education. This is probably due to an amalgam of factors. By secondary school, students are more inclined to sort out their own problems, or to keep them to themselves rather than have their parents step in. Certainly any resolution involves the child much more than when they are younger. Another key difference is the logistical change from dealing principally with one teacher in primary school to a large number of different subject teachers in high school. This also provides a comforting averaging tendency - a high school student will often find at least some of his or her teachers/classes to his or her liking.

Dealing with problems at school is more likely to be effective when working cooperatively, where this can be achieved, than fighting alone against the school. Working cooperatively clearly involves:

• treating the other participants with respect and courtesy, and expecting the same in return
• giving them the benefit of the doubt and the presumption that they are professionals in their fields
• recognising that they have to respond to the individual needs of a number of other students as well as your own
• being organised, professional and keeping to the issue at hand without provocation
• being relatively open, and responding as clearly as possible to invitations to express your concerns.

In the current fiscal climate it would also mean recognising that educational resources are constrained and that educators have been expected to pick up a range of social responsibilities in addition to teaching academic subjects. Some of these background problems are more for politicians' ears.

The following lists of suggestions includes a number made during a discussion on the Oz-Gifted mailing list. They are for your consideration. They include some suggestions made after experiences of schools not responding cooperatively to a gifted child's needs. It is a question of balance. You need to expect and promote cooperation with the school in resolving a problem, while protecting yourself and your child from those cases where cooperation proves not possible.

Arrange and prepare for a meeting

1. In the first instance, arrange a meeting to talk with the teacher. Although in some circumstances you will need to talk to the Principal, it is generally appropriate to talk to the teacher first. Not only is this normal courtesy, but this is the person who will be most affecting your child's learning environment and consequently the person with whom you will need to work.
2. Although casual moments with the teacher while dropping off and picking up your child may seem easily available, they are fraught with interruption and distraction. Use them only to arrange a quieter time where both you and the teacher can give the problem full attention after due preparation.
3. Talk through the problem fully with your child, at whatever level they can accommodate. Get the facts in full and make your judgement on the facts with your knowledge of your child. It is possible the real problem may be hidden a little under the apparent one.
4. Try to establish clearly what the problem is so that you can articulate it to the teacher and the school both before and during the meeting.
5. Think about it from the teacher's viewpoint and anticipate his or her response. Find a friend and practice. Get them to pretend to be the teacher (or principal). Then swap roles. This is important too. You pretend to be the teacher and your friend pretends to be you. If necessary use two chairs. Be one identity in one chair and one in the other. Don't worry about thinking up all the counterarguments - people remain too unpredictable for this to work. The important part is to build up empathy for the teacher's position.
6. Arrange to take your partner with you as support, as a second pair of eyes and ears, and to take notes. As well as filling in any awkward holes in the conversation, they will provide you with a sounding board after the meeting. If the problem is not being easily resolved by discussion, or if your partner is not available and you feel you need support, then choose some other clear-thinking person to accompany you as note-taker and objective observer. Many teachers may find it daunting if you bring another person unannounced, so mention this in advance and the reason for it - the teacher may also wish to have a colleague present.
7. Establish clearly with yourself what you want, what you will settle for, and what is your bottom line. It is not wise to make rash threats at the meeting if you haven't thought out in advance what the realistic options are. What are your options if they don't reach your bottom line? Will you go to the Principal, or if necessary the District Superintendent? Is there another school? Is home schooling an option? Or will you go away accepting the situation - and hopefully not regretting what you have said?
8. Update your file and portfolio on your child in readiness. You are, of course, keeping a file of notes of previous meetings, or assessments, of other professionals' comments etc. And a dated portfolio of his or her work and achievements in all their diversity. Apart from having it on hand just in case and projecting an organised image, this will also remind you of other times when things were working out - and give you a goal to aim for!

At the meeting

1. There are some basic negotiating lessons that are important here. One is to start off with positive statements about the teacher and what they have done, if you can. Get the other party to say or think "Yes" to something you say, even if it is only about the weather.
2. Another is that the person who speaks first in the sense of "putting their argument" often loses. It is better to clearly present the problem, and wait with a positive expectation and demeanour, even if at first there is a negative response. Rather than jump in, either defensively or aggressively, answer only the questions that the other person asks and wait expectantly for their solution. Most people really do not like to say no outright and will often talk themselves into agreeing if you give them enough time and space. Obviously there may be good arguments to support your case but rational arguments do not often win people over, especially if they are defensive.
3. If it does come to rational arguments, it is still good to be second and to show first that you are seriously listening to them. Let them put their point across and listen carefully. Then say "Are you telling me...?" or "Do I understand that...?". Apart from the real possibility that you will learn something useful, once a person feels understood he or she is more likely to listen. When it gets to your turn to elaborate ensure they are actively listening by saying something like: "I need to know that you have understood my concerns. Can you tell me what you think I am concerned about most". Then keep up the clarification. This is called reflective listening.
4. If you have managed to achieve active listening, and it would seem appropriate, offer the teacher some reading on the matter if you have it available. If it is short and readable, say so - teachers are as busy as, or more so than, the rest of us.
5. Anger is powerful and dangerous. Try to control your emotions. Use it only if other approaches are getting nowhere. It may break through blockages, but it may lose goodwill and cooperation and create new barriers.
6. Have everything on hand you think may be relevant to the issues you are discussing (including your files and your child's portfolio), but keep it in your bag till you need it. Sometimes having a lot of material in front of you can be distracting, even to yourself.
7. Don't be afraid to say that a suggestion sounds like a good idea but that you would like a day to think about it. When you get home you may be able see pitfalls when you are more relaxed and less nervous or angry. In this case, write back something like:
   "The suggestion is a good idea because.... but I can see the following problems... - how can these be addressed?"
8. Always finish one meeting with an arrangement for another - "Can we meet again in … weeks to see how this is going? Let's set a date now." This puts the resolution of the issue on a professional footing, and gives a deadline for review - something that busy professionals seem to need.

After the meeting…

1. If the school does not give you something in writing you should write a confirmation letter (and keep a copy) such as:
   "Thank you for taking the time to meet with …. and me on …. I appreciated the opportunity to discuss the problem of … and the effort and ideas you suggested. As I understand we have agreed as follows:
   1. As of … xxx will have...
   2. xxx will ...
   3. I will ...
   4. We will meet again on …. to review …"
   etc.
2. Consider the points the teacher made at the meeting, discuss these with the friend who accompanied you, and see if you think they had merit. If you have reasons or evidence to think they do not have merit, write to that effect, noting the useful points the teacher made, the fact that you have considered them, and that you think they are not justified for the following reasons… Offer to discuss these points further. Keep a copy of this letter.
3. If after the discussion you feel that the problem has not been acknowledged, or that no agreement was reached on how to respond to the problem, then write and ask the teacher what he or she suggests as the way to resolve it. Suggest in the letter that, if he or she has no better alternative, you would like to discuss it with the Principal (and, if appropriate, the school counsellor). Keep a copy of this letter.
4. Sit down and have a drink. Then play something silly and fun with your child. Give each of you a break, and remind yourself of how resilient children are.

References

Farmer, D. (1996) Choosing the right school. Gifted, 96, October 1996, pp16, 31.

Whitton, D. (1992) Choosing a school. Gifted, 74, December 1992, p19.

This article has borrowed many ideas from discussion on the Oz-Gifted lists, particularly on the aspects of dealing with schools when a problem has emerged.

David Farmer is a parent of two gifted children, and past Editor of Gifted and List Owner of the Oz-Gifted internet discussion lists.

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