A Tale of Two Daughters

by Alison Brogan

December 1982 - I leave teaching and bored, go to the library. The first biography I read is about an angelic boy with autism. He has a haunting beauty and I can't get him out of my thoughts. I remember his face in my dreams but push him out of my mind.

January 1984 - We are blessed with a daughter. She's strong and alert.

1984 - I return to work in February. My daughter beams at my clients. She screams when we reach our driveway. She sleeps 4 hours in 24.

May 1985 - She starts day care and tells me that she wants to wear a frilly dress. She refuses the plain clothes I lay out.

February 1986 - I start a women's group and she holds court and counts the days till we go again.

February 1987 - She asks me not to stay at her first day of preschool, as it will embarrass her. "Well, I'm 3 aren't I? "she quips as I leave.

February 1989 - She enters school already reading. I find her father crying at the school gate but he denies it.

1990-92 - She wins academic prizes each year and enjoys art, craft and drama.

1993 - She says school is boring and loses several friends. I find her crying on the way home but she can't say why. I have to hold her hand and take her to the schoolroom. She looks anxious each day.

1994 - She is the victim of relentless bullying. We try mediation, threats and ignoring them. Nothing works. The school is surprised but does nothing. My mother says I've made her dependent on me. I can't think how and feel angry with myself.

June 1994 - She has a teacher who encourages her. She feels it's a phase that will pass. I sigh with relief.

June 1995 - She is miserable at school and break times are the worst. I'm told I'm a bad mother and need to let her grow out of it and stop worrying.

February 1996 - She has one friend and clings to her.

February 1997 - She enters high school. I have high hopes of fresh start. She calls me distraught on the phone because the school has left her behind at the swim carnival. She's been missing for 45 minutes. I find her sobbing at the pool.

May 1997 - She's left behind at the sports' field and didn't notice the high school get on five coaches. I feel a pit in my stomach. Something's really wrong.

June 1997 - She misses a school mufti day and I ring to see the Head Teacher. I'm told "to leave her be, let her grow up and stop ruling her life". I'm angry but don't know what to say.

October 1997 - She still doesn't have her teachers' names right and misses notices at Assembly. I take her to a paediatrician and a psychologist. They diagnose attention deficit disorder.

February 1998 - She starts Year 8 and can't cope with 17 teachers and 10 subjects. She has bouts of crying and explosive temper tantrums. The doctor says it's hormonal. She's 13. She starts dexamphetamine and finds it useful for concentration.

May 1998 - I find her sobbing in her room when faced with six assignments. It takes 45 minutes to comfort her.

June 1998 - She has 2 panic attacks each week; always at home. She confesses that she's been teased and bullied for 15 months. I ring the school again. They promise action. Nothing happens.

July 1998 - I read a pamphlet on Aspergers Syndrome (a high functioning form of autism). "Resistance to change and inflexible" describe her perfectly.

August 1998 - We go to a paediatric psychiatrist and he diagnoses Asperger's Syndrome. He nods a lot as I blurt out her history.

September 1998 - I visit the school nearly daily to see all 17 teachers. I write to each one. The Year Adviser tells me "refrigerator mothers" cause Autism. I am speechless and incensed. I leave the room and refuse to meet with her.

October 1998 - She continues with dexamphetamine and counselling. She wins 4 academic prizes.

December 1998 - She is invited out by a girl from school. Her first invitation. I try to act low key but it's a milestone. She draws up a timetable for every hour of everyday for the six week Christmas holidays and demands to know in advance what we'll do.

February 1999 - She makes the Principal's Honour List for 8 subjects and wants to know what she did wrong on the other two subjects. I explain for the hundredth time that she's working so hard there's not a lot to improve. She spends 4 hours rewriting notes from 2 years ago. I stop her. She re-starts when I go to work. She wins a statewide science award and Australia-wide maths award. She doesn't tell us until they arrive in the mail. She begs me not to go to the school as one of the staff told her "How could you be so bright and have a problem?". She's already studying for her finals 9 months away.

* * *

April 12 1988 - We are delighted with our second daughter. She is blonde, petite and utterly gorgeous.

April 15 1988 - She has projectile vomiting. Hospital staff is unfazed but I feel that I am entering into quick sand.

May 1988 - We take shifts to jiggle her in her bouncer for an hour, an hour in the pram and hour in the swing. She keeps crying.

June 1988 - We leave her scream in the adjoining room so that we can eat together as a family. My food sticks in my throat. I lose 10lbs in a month.

July - October 1988 - The three month colic stretches to six months. I start going to doctors, paediatricians and natural healers. We look back at her baby photos and realize we don't have any of her smiling.

December 1988 - January 1989 - We try soy milk, more food, less food, prescription drugs and herbal remedies. She is sleeping 3 hours in 24 in half hour intervals.

February 1989 - My friend offers to mind her so I can take my 5 year old to school. The baby screams for the hour. It is the sitter's only offer.

March 1989 - We sit outside another specialist's office. I've waited 4 months for the appointment and he is running one and a half hours late. I am one hour overdue to pick up my kindergartener. Our visit lasts 7 minutes. Blood tests are ordered, they are negative.

April 1989 - Her first birthday and I chide myself for hoping that this year they will find something seriously wrong with her. I'm losing my memory from lack of sleep.

July 1989 - I sit in the paediatrician's office for the fourth consecutive Friday and refuse to move. He offers me sedatives.

One week later July 1989 - A repeat of last week. The paediatrician admits her to hospital for exploratory surgery.

Two days later - The surgery finds nothing.

One day later - A new specialist suggests a sugar free diet. Within hours the screaming stops. She smiles. I sleep 14 hours that night.

January 1990 - My nearly 2 year old joins the 3-5 year olds at Library activities. She tells the Librarian how to run the activity and answers all the questions.

February 1990 - She starts Sunday School still in nappies and stays to talk to the minister.

February 1991 - She starts preschool and chides me if I'm late. I can't fake it. She befriends the only child that does not speak English.

February 1992 - She dictates several letters to me on community issues before our local council. They ring her one night at 7.30 pm to talk to her. I tell them she's asleep as she's only 4 years old.

She stops breathing at preschool and is rushed by ambulance to hospital. All tests are negative.

She wins an art competition in a national magazine.

She enters an adult gardening competition winning a place and writes poetry. She leaves home to live with her 4 year old boy friend. She packs a doll and a sleeping bag. I ring my girlfriend who brings her back.

She begins school happy and sociable. She tells me some kids are naughty as the teacher writes the word "cat" they say "dog" when you can see it's "cat".

She wins several more prizes for art and craft in a national magazine

She learns to read a little but is soon overtaken by her peers. My heart sinks. I wait.

I hope she learns to read soon. I wait. Her maths is well above the class.

October 1995 - We find her eyes don't converge or track. She wears lenses. I pray this the answer.

December 1995 - No improvement so we pay hundreds of dollars for an academic assessment and IQ testing.

January 1996 - We are amazed when her IQ is in the top 1% of the population but she physically recoils from reading.

February 1996 - The school rings me to tell me she's stopped talking. We hire tutors and try to fathom why she is so impulsive and immature. She refuses to work. She is diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). We trial medication after I cry for seven months debating it.

May 1996 - She declares that she needs to get a life, more freedom. She takes herself to the train station and to the city 11 miles away.

1997 - She is in Grade 4 and has a male teacher who wears red socks and green shoes and was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD) as a child. She loves him and he:her. She learns to read.

July 1997 - Unexpectedly she is called up to the altar by the minister to read - she reads from the bible and beams.

My mother declares that attention deficit disorder (ADD) is a myth. I keep silent.

My sister warns me that putting labels on my daughter will be her downfall. I keep silent.

October 1997 - She wins a High Distinction in a national science competition.

October 1998 - She wins a Credit in a national maths competition. She reads for pleasure for the first time.

She loses her word retrieval ability and states "that she can't think and is going stupid".

November 1998 - I take her to a speech therapist who diagnoses an expressive language disorder. We pay for therapy twice a week.

December 1998 - She cuts up aluminium foil to "make me feel happy". She plays alone in her room and loses her only friend from school. She weeps as we move her Lego creations to vacuum clean and is inconsolable. She talks to her toys for company.

February 1999 - She continues to cut up wool, paper, foil and string into tiny pieces assembling them into piles and colours. I've reached breaking point and don't know what to do. My husband ruminates at his computer.

I take her to her sister's psychiatrist. He diagnoses her with High Functioning Autism as well as attention deficit disorder (ADD) and Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder (SPLD). We trial an anti-depressant to make her less tense and pedantic. It has no effect. She writes her first book and illustrates it. She makes a new friend in Kindergarten. She's in Grade 6 going to High School in 2000. I start writing my own Individual Educational Program (IEP) for her without approval from her primary school. I ring her psychiatrist, Autism Outreach worker and high school for a case conference. There is an 18-month wait for a visit. I wait.

 © NSWAGTC 2007

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